had to go hard… two months before graduation!
Everyone go follow my bestfriend Tina! hippie.tumblr.com
And that’s me in the white dress :)
Also, life related things and people that are freaking me out right now:
- People making their resumes
- People done with their architectural portfolios for job applications
- People reserving photographers for graduation that is 3-4 months away (?!?!?)
- People who have SENT job applications. ABROADDDDDDDDD
- People getting preggers (and not receiving shit for it)
- People who are getting engaged and married (and not receiving shit for it too)
- People telling me all their life plans and I’m just standing here looking like an idiot because WHY IS EVERYONE SO MUCH MORE PREPARED THAN ME??????
Yeah, after writing that very eloquent (well, eloquent enough for me) post about Facebook and yada yada… This post isn’t doing me any favors. I feel like an idiot. I look like an idiot with no direction. I mean, I do have plans in mind but everyone else is already on gear and I’m still in the changing room! (In reference to a racing track and yeah…. anyways). Help.
I mean, I’m just really freaking out because it’s not like I can bum around right after university. I am not financially stable enough to do that. Not to mention all the family related expectations I think everyone has for me? Like providing food for everyone else?!?! My mum has suffered enough paying for my ass, so I need to get my life on track ASAP but damn, why so fast???
What’s going on??? Crisis??? Is this a quarter life crisis? I’m not even 25 yet dear lawddddd.
I love the feeling of being able to slowly delete myself from Facebook, piece by piece. Facebook came to me during my teenage years, documented my awkward phases and posted my lame ass ramblings. I mean let’s face it, when we were younger we uploaded countless pictures, glowed with pride at our profile picture likes, and constantly checked if we were tagged in the ugliest pictures so that we could quickly untag ourselves. I admit - I’ve done every single thing on there. I loved the praise I got, the empty appreciation, the meaningless birthday greets (although many of them were well intended, let’s not forget that..), and the multiple likes that keyboard happy peers loved to give me.
I do appreciate the fact that I can easily get in touch with so many people and have an insight into their lives like I was a part of it. Living through their pictures, their families, their vacations, their happiness - and basking in cathartic release at other people’s cringe-worthy emo posts and dirty laundry, spread all over the internet for all to see.
It’s been a fun ride.
This post is by no means to insult everyone else who enjoys Facebook. I don’t really give two shits about their form of entertainment. My point is, I love the feeling of satisfaction for myself when I slowly delete pieces of my life that I’ve freely displayed for everyone to see. Before, I could never take down picture albums because I wanted people to be able to view their own pictures (I was always the photographer…) and I wanted them to enjoy the moments that I had physically captured for them. In a way I was a people pleaser with whatever I could offer, and it wasn’t healthy. Whenever there was an exciting event in my life, Facebook just HAD to know, for that sense of approval from people that I never really cared about. Maybe it was a form of validation for me, that what I was doing was adequate or likeable enough.
Now I just hate it for the complete lack of privacy. I don’t even care about random people who look at my pictures, I just care about the people who I want out of my life and them still being able to see pieces of me. They’re still there. I can’t delete them. If I do, it would start a shitstorm that I would hate to give energy to. So the best way to cope with it was to minimize any personal posts on Facebook, and make my Instagram private. And now I have my blog.
Granted, the blog is even more public than Facebook. But here I could start over, and I have that sense of ‘privacy’ in my head because I would never know who exactly was watching, if that made any sense. I would be able to go about my way without that nagging feeling at the back of my head that I would turn up on someone’s newsfeed. With this approach, I would be free to express and whoever was stalking would be in the shadows, lurking unrecognized. That’s their energy wasted, not mine. Overall, these changes that I’ve made has made me happier, and more in control. Taking the wheels and all that.
For now, Facebook to me is mostly just for communication. School groups, groupworks, sharing stupid internet pictures, and movie trailers - that is all that it will ever be to me.
I’m glad I’ve overcome that hurdle. I hope that people who are uncomfortable with it as well could learn to do the same. :)
Today’s 90’s pick:
Should I watch…
- The Parent Trap
- Or Flubber?!
Oh the struggle. I’ve watched Casper, Annie 1999, and Practical Magic recently and I can’t decide which movie to further my procrastination. I also do need to get working on my design studio but mehhhhhhh. That’s what 3 am is for. It’s only 10pm!
“How was your day?”
“Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe”
“How are you?”
“I hope you’re feeling better”
“Have a good day today!”
“I miss you”
“Can you come over?”
“Can I come over?”
“Can I see you?”
“Can I call you?”
“Want something to drink?”
“Watch your step”
“Let’s watch a movie”
“What are you up to?”
“How is your day so far?”
“It will be okay”
“I’m here for you”
“Do you need anything?”
“Are you hungry?”
“I just wanted to hear your voice”
“You just made my day”
You don’t have to hear “I Love You” to know that someone does. Listen carefully. People speak from the heart more often than you think.
Blocklava (via hippie)
We’ve exchanged every single line above and I appreciate you so much more for it. <3
You guys literally made my birfday memorable and I’m just so thankful. Thanks to all who went out of their way to call/sms/instagram to greet me 😚 i know i suck at keeping in touch but i swear i’m just a call away for you allllllll. Thanku especially to @tinaisastrawberry for always bringing me cake!!! And @aimpaca78 for sushi tonight :3
Anonymous asked: Thailand protest anon here: Sorry if that sounded aggressive or dismissive. I really do get your point, but I hope you can you can understand where I'm coming from.
First of all, thanks for your input but I wish you weren’t anon. I find that it’s a waste of time having discussions with someone who’s a hidden face. It makes me take your opinion with a grain of salt. If you were really invested into the protest you’re defending, why be anon?
Anyways, I do get your point. If you haven’t fully read my post, I did say that this country is practically where I grew up. This means I do have friends here AND family here, and most of them are joining the protests too. When I made that post, I knew there was a possibility of getting backlash, but I still stand by it.
Yes, I do ‘see’ why people are protesting. I do know about the political situation. I live in it. I walk through it everyday, from the streets to the malls to my own university - this is why I think I have the right to post my own opinion about it. You all have the right to block the streets and inconvenience the rest of the city, but I do think it could be better handled than this. I may not have answers to how, but if the situation hasn’t become so prolonged because of idiotic decisions (and corruption..), wouldn’t you people have already found a better way?
Please know that not all Thais feel the same way you do. My own boyfriend who is full thai, thinks that this has gone long enough. He agrees about my opinion on this. What does that say about the other thousands who feel the same way?
Also, take a step back and think about this: I have as much right to post MY opinion on MY personal blog as you have walking the streets and supporting the protest. I also ask you, why are you so affected by my opinion? I don’t have millions of followers and I hardly doubt that my small blogpost could change the situation. It is merely my own take on the happenings and the inconvenience it creates, and I am very free to do that on my own personal blog. It’s also weird that you’re instructing me on how to judge, rather than just ignoring what you don’t agree with. By doing so, you are also acting as selfish as you are accusing me to be.
I also do not mean the above to sound aggressive, and I can understand where you’re coming from but it’s just that I don’t get why you are taking it so personally unless I know you in real life that you actually care about what I think.